I recieved a text from a friend on wednesday of this last week saying, "I found your blog." CRAP! I should have known it would only be a matter of time before at someone would figure out that I had a blog. The next thought I had was, it's only a matter of time before my whole house and church finds out about my not-so-secret blog. Here's the story, of a lovely lady... just kidding. I thought that immediately so I had to write it =) Okay moving on: it was an awkward exchange this morning before church with everyone upon the mention of a "blog" of sorts. No one really asked to many questions, but I knew some people wouldn't forget! I was able to shut up Po about my blog that I had made him swear he wouldn't say anything about in the moment. But if you know my friend Michael Posey, it was for only a few hours before it was once again brought up by him in only the way that Po can. In a not so sly manner.
So as you read this Michael, thank you. I guess my secret little blog is out. =)
I immediately recieved a teasing comments and shocking remarks about the fact that I had kept a secret for so long from the people in my community for the last 6 months. The truth is I didn't want to tell anyone for my deep fear and sin of being compared and comparing myself to others around me and never matching up to them. Pastors, friends, and most specifically my wonderful roomie Corianne who has a wonderful blog you should read if you haven't already. She created a blog probably a month or so before me and I was inspired to post my thoughts out there and see what was to come back from them. Obviously. SIDE NOTE: I hope you read that like Professor Snape from Harry Potter. I can never say that word alone without his accent...sorry. Moving on... But I wasn't ready for others to know my thoughts or read my writings. I was(and to be honest, still am) far to self conscious about my elementary writing skills and how I would be able to communicate a point that would hopefully inspire, and/or be redeemed through the Holy Spirit making some good out of my jumbled up words and phrases. But oh, how I should have known this would backfire. I cannot express the shock I felt when the news of my mystery and not-so-secret-anymore blog was well recieved, aside from the playful teasing, and actually encouraged by people around me. I must admit I felt a wee bit sheepish for trying to keep a secret from those who care about me because of my ridiculous pride and how I feel the need to keep my image up to date, seemingly seemless and all together spit spot. I never thought that people could actually enjoying reading something that I penned and wanting to know some of the inner most workings of my brain. Because it is a scary place this girl brain is--Readers Beware!
I am surprisingly overjoyed. And scared at the same time. I hope that through prayer and seeking out Christ more desperately that He will grow me in overcoming my fear and sin of comparison and covetousness. My fear of not being good enough. My fear of failing those around me. My fear of not appearing to have it all together. Most importantly I hope that through this that I am able to treasure Christ more in spite of all my failings. I know that He is faithful to complete the good work that He has started in me and I just pray that I am given the discipline to act in obedience so that I may grow in these areas where I fall short.
Here's to gaining more readers? =)
P.S. The Broncos beat the Steelers in the playoffs this afternoon!! Here's the game wining play in OT
your welcome
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