Running. I am not a fan. In fact, I have a very love/hate relationship with running. I decided last week to be overly ambitious and go for a relatively short run/jog/walk down to the school near the house. Then I got really arrogant for not working out for 3 months and decided is was a good idea to stop at the park on the way home to do squats and lunges. I hope to as quickly as possible getrid of the mass amount of pounds around my waist but would very much like to get some junk in the trunk, since thanks to my mom's side, I am without any junk. With all that being said, I could barely stand to shave my legs in the shower after. I was so sore! Sometimes I love that feeling. Sure I complain every now and then because when its painful to sit down to pee, well now thats just annoyoing. but sometimes it is a good soreness and I think that this will lead to the results I am seeking. So here I am a week later, finally not waking up sore and decided to run again after I declined an invite from some roomies for a group run. This girl has a hard time keeping a steady pace alone, I would rather not embarrass myself and hold others back because of my horrible running skills. I probably look so ridiculous running. Red faced, looking like I'm probably going to pass out, breathing really heavily even though I am okay, Im just like 100lbs overweight so THIS is what running for this body type looks like. lol. But it's what works for me for now and I hope to see improvements in my running. Let's just hope I get the itch again that got me up last week. I have to want this for myself. I never regret it once it's over. Its always starting that is the hardest part. Sometimes I wish there was a pill for motivation. I mean I know there are drugs out there that are going to give me energy to run around, probably screaming and hallucinating, but I have far to much of an addictive personality to start on drugs. haha.
Sometimes I wonder why I run.... I mean okay, I wouldn't qualify myself as a real "runner" but still it IS something I think about. Sometimes I think I am running towards something. The new me, a new body, not only shed the LB's but run towards all the opportunities and things I could do with a new me. Other times, though I don't want to admit it, I feel like I am running away from life. The shame, hurt nd ewmbarraassment I have carried. The lonliness I have felt because I can so easily put it on how I look and say "that is why I don't have/didn't get __________" The repulsing disgust I feel and see when I look at myself in the mirror. Then I remember Christ and how he died for all those sinful things, those things I had no idea I was going to think or say or do!! How God's love is much more powerful than the negative thoughts, feelings or things I want to run from. I am reminded that I am beautiful. That because I am made in His image that I am made wonderfully. What an absolute joy that brings me! I am grateful that through these struggles, it is only a reminder of how thankful I am to God for saving me. That I need to continue run to Him when I feel all those awful things about myself. That through those bad feelings, I am only being called to draw more closely to Christ and that is an amazing thing! It is a true act of grace!
Here's to running, may Christ find you in whatever you are running from.
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