A Giant Inflatable Panda

I find sometimes I get lucky. God blesses me in ways that I don't understand and especially when I am least expecting. Ive been needing to get my brakes changed for a while now. So I finally took some action after probably 3 months of being reminded and told I needed to have them changed, so I went called a couple places to get estimates amd they teach place told me it would be over $500! One was even closer to $600. oh. em. gee. Luckily, those were just over the phone quotes and in real life I just needed to get my front brakes changed Which would still be around 1/2 those prices because of labor to do it. Thankfully for me, I happen to have some roomies who know a thing or two about vehicles so they offered to change them for me!! Oh my gosh!!! What an incredible blessing!! I am so ecstatic!!! As if you couldn't tell from all the exclamitories =)
So far I have worked out twice this week. Started out tuesday morning which was great. Got my cardio in for the day and then last night me and a great group of us went and did some serious work at the gym! we were there for over 2 hrs almost 3 I think. I will seriously feel that tomorrow! Two go abouts of carido, 28 mins on the ellyptical, about an hour of weights, then 45 minutes on the ellyptical again and I went the whole time!! My feet started to go numb at one point but the point is that I finished!! I know it will only get easier the more I do it. and I will build my cardiovascular up to where I wont want to die after I've finished working out for 2 hours. However yesterday I made a fool of my diet and myself by being way to excited about ther being a new Panda Express chinese food restaurant open in fairwood and went there for lunch. I even took a picture with the giant 25ft inflatable Panda outside the building. lol. But I think i redeemed it with the great workout last night. With the New Year approaching very much hoping to continue my determination to get healthy finally!

Here's to getting healthy and fixing cars!

Christmas Eve Eve

Merry Christmas Eve Eve friends!! =) I write that with all the joy and excitement I would have on this day, yet for whatever reason I am not as much in the holiday mood as I normally find myself. I can't reallly put my finger on it. I think it might have to do with the busyness of life this last week. Last week I was able to shop and get christmas gifts for my family but still have yet to wrap them up! I feel so behind! I really also wanted to get something small for each of my roomies this year, and even made somewhat of a big deal about it to them all, making sure I wouldn't insult any of them should I get them something. I had big plans to do this a few weeks ago and now its Christmas Eve Eve and I have failed in the gift giving area for my roomies I love so much. =( I hate when I build something up in this way and then end up not finishing what I had originally set out to do. Not a fun feeling in the slightest. I feel like a bad friend.

Gift giving aside, I do have good news: I worked out today!! I got to come into work late this morning, and by morning, I mean I came in at noon. I am in a classroom with the only kids we have at the preschool end, that being 10 and us closing at 4 which is marvelous I am pretty excited about my work day today. Before I worked out we had worship practice and I always love the days I have worship practice. I seriously wish it was everyday. I love getting to express my love and adoration for Christ through worship. And the fact that we are doing all Christmas songs on Christmas Sunday at 6:30pm at Doxa in honor of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus(pssst!! Come join us!!) I am a little extra excited and a little extra nervous. This is the first service where I will be leading almost the whole worship set!! Eeeekk! I kind of brought it on myself with the excitement and notion of singing Christmas songs in church, therefore I was bestowed the honor of leading most of them =) I am very honored to help serve my church in this way and do not take it lightly. I really want to do a good job! But unfortunately, what I thought I would sound like did not come out the way I was expecting to sound today. And the fact that I got really light headed from singing more than I do on a regular basis, I felt so out of it for the last song which also was tough on my mental ability to sing well. But I was encouraged by Jake(who told me whatever bad thing  I was hearing was most likely all in my girl head[Guilty] and to not worry) Ryan and Cor who said I sounded great. I am most definitely my harshest critic. Thankful and blessed that God has put encouraging people in my life=) But whatever the case, I pray my heart will be filled with joy and gladness in thanking God for sending his son to earth so that I might be with Him in Heaven one day. I will be worshipping with all I have and hope that God uses me in whatever way he sees fit for Sunday to bring Him more glory.

Here's to a great start to Christmas weekend!!

Twice Already

Hey kiddos. Worked out again this morning! That is twice this week and it is only wednesday! This is really good for a lady like me andI am pretty happy about that. Considering I have probably not mae the best food choices I have worked out which I hope will balance out. Don't know if any of you look at twice a week as a victory, but you should! I think that its wonderful =)

So I was thinking about my weekend and how great it was! We got to sing Christmas music for the first time in Doxa's history and I thought it was pretty wonderful, granted the rocky start we had with practicing a few brand new songs which we had never ever played before. New songs in themselves are scary when playing them the first time but Christmas songs are special(if you ask me I think so anyway). About a week ago some of my roomies and I had a conversation with a friend where he was asking some very very difficult questions about the Bible and Christianity. I know what I believe and I know what the Bible says about truth and the ways that God has revealed Himself to me. However, I am not the best at re-communicating said things in order for them to be easily understood and lovingly explained. Mostly I am a coward and just let someone else from my church community or Pastor(who has an insane gift in this area) handle those tough questions. I am far too fearful that when I try to communicate them it will come across terribly wrong, mean, righteous or unintelligable. But after a conversation with one of my roomies about my fears in this area, He told me that I at least have to try. He reminded me that there is no possible way to get better at it if I don't try to answer those questions that are hard to answer. By attempting to answer those tough questions to those asking I will learn what works, what doesn't and will hopefully be able to know what to say next time I am asked those questions in a more loving and better communicated way. Ouch. I suck. I don't even try!! I am so lame! How do I expect to help further the Gospel when I don't even attempt to answer questions when God gives me an opportunity to share truth?? It was a refreshing and painful thing to hear but it also revealed something else when I shared this situation at prayer yesterday morning. I don't really trust that God will be able to redeem what I have to say. I have to trust that what I put say to people God will use, grow and redeem for His Glory and however He sees fit to use my words. How little faith do I have? Smaller than a mustard seed for sure!

Here's to trusting that God redeems even the worst communication!

Some day I'll get up at 6 am

Worked out this morning ladies and gentleman! It felt good to start off my monday morning like that! Granted it was only a 1/2 hr on the ellyptical but I saw a poster on Pinterest today that said, "No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everyone on the couch" WOW! That is motivating! I mean seriously, just doing something is better than not doing anything at all. I also realized I have a little more than 6 months till "Maid Of Honor in June!" And for SURE less than that till I try on an actual dress considering I have already picked out and gotten the O.K. from the bride-to-be about which dress I will most likely be wearing. And you know, it is so much easier to take a dress in that to let one out. Bah, who wants to have to do that!? No one that's who! So I figure that since I now work at 10 again everymorning I have no real good reason to not be working out in the morning. Getting up at 7 should so not be a big deal. I can do this. It is the beginning of changing my life. If I go to bed now and get up at 7 I will be getting almost 8 hours of sleep!! WHich is almost twice as much as some of my roomies get, that being 4 hours of sleep a night. Which I have no idea how they survive day to day on that amount of sleep, I'd be a literal zombie and someone would probably try to shot me down with a crossbow of sorts. Hoping to tomorrow write out on a spreadsheet my weekly schedule so that I know when to make time for my working out, shopping and the like so that I have something to stick to. Also want to be able to fit more reading time in. I am far to wuickl to occupy my time with other permissable things. I'd really like my time to be used to the fullest most beneifical ways possible. Let's hope that writing everything down is a shocker as to how much free time I actually do have and am able to make that productive! Hopefully at some point tomorrow I am ale to workout. Perhaps after Community group but not likely we'll see. With prayer at 7:30am I will be lucky to get to that on time! I really hope that in the future I will gain the discipline to get up at 6am and go work out before prayer. Although my fellow prayer budies may not appreciate the stentch that permiates from me post long sweaty work out. But it's worth it ;)

Here's to getting an orginized schedule! 

Playing the fool

Yesterday was sort of a long day. I got the day off of work got ready, went to prayer at the church, had a practice for some christmas songs(which is coming together pretty well, Im pretty excited about it) and went to starbucks where I got a free drink because they're computers systems were being weird. So I had a great start to the day! I was feeling pretty goodfor the day considering where I was off to with my free triple grande peppermint white mocha. You see, I was off to the UW hospital for a while. My aunt Linda had surgery on her lungs for stage 4 cancer she has known about for since May. They didn't know exactly what they were going to face when they opened her up but she knew the severity that might take place whil he went into surgery. They had to remove her right lung and a small sliver of her heart because the part where her lung connected to her heart was also cancerous and at that point not too useful. Now she is in recovery and soon they will start radiation, probably chemo, and will most likely be in remission! God is SO good!! The craziest part of this story is that when my aunt first went to Group Health(which if you have them I am sorry, they are awful!) they told her she simply had pneumonia. Then when they found a huge tumor in her chest cavity that had spread to her lungs, pulminary artery and liver they said it was inoperable! Luckily, she got a second opinion and was able to have surgery that would extend her life. Its crazy to think she had lung cancer even though she never smoked. It just sucks when that happens to people in that way, you know? But the good news is that there is much hope.

Onto and entirely different part of my life...

So I haven't worked out since saturday and I am feeling pretty ridiculous I must say. I should have worked out this morning. I had no good reason not too. And the soft warmth of my bed, extra sleep and snooze button were not good excuses this morning. I didn't even stay up late! I got like 8 hours of sleep!! Now I have this heavy guilt on my conscience that is saying, "hard work is what gets you results!" Part of me can also hear my mom saying, "Its easy to be fat Tay, but its hard to be thin." Something that I was often told growing up in regards to my constant battle with my body. I feel like a true fatty today. But I am happy to say that today I chose to get a fairly healthy subway sandwich as opposed to the delicious Ezell's chicken and fries or even good ol Mickey D's. I try to stay away from those places as often as I can, and I do a pretty good job, but GOLLY they are so good sometimes!! Another cool thing that happend, which I think every lady out there can stack hands in a "woo hoo!" moment with me in. After I visited the hospital, my mom and I ran down to the H&M in the U District and my mom found this really cute sweater tunic and I tried on the biggest size they had, as usual, and it was ginormous! So my mom ever so nicely fetched me a  "S" and a "M"......which I am pretty sure I didn't even wear when I was little. You guys, the Small fit! "Holy CRAP!" These must have been made to wear incredibly big! However the arms on the small were to short and looked funny so I got a Medium. I don't know the last time I had a medium anything....besides maybe in french fry terms that is.... haha. But holy moly! I know I am lying to myself just a teensy bit by wearing it, but it somehow gives me the motivation to try harder and really be able to wear mediums in real life and not clothes that have more X's than a football playbook. Okay so I am exaggerating maybe a twinge on the X's thing, but I think you guys know what I mean.

Here's to turning fooling yourself into motivation!

New Directions

So its been a while loyal readers--Haha, thats funny since I really don't know if anyone reads this at all.

NO this is not a blog about Glee, in case you read the title and thought about the choir from Glee, sorry to disappoint. Although I loved the first season and do continue to listen to the music on iTunes from time to time, I am not currently watching the show.

Moving on....

I haven't really used my time to write on here like I wish I could. =( I hope to be better at it though. There is always room for improvement right? Truth be told, a few weeks ago I wrote a really great blog, I don't necessarily remember its every detail and content. Boo hoo I know. But I do remember that like a fool, I didn't post it right away leaving about 4 other windows open on my computer along with my unposted blog. In a rush to get to work I hit the "close all" button in immediate regretted it realizing I had not posted said blog. And of course the feeling of defeat and failure came and have completely neglected to attempt to post again since. Obviously it wasn't meant to be posted otherwise I would've have done so.

Anyway, I think I may have found an alternate slash main purpose for this here bloggity blog. Im actually more inspired. See, I found a really incredible blog about a young lady named Taralynn from Pinterest(an incredible, wonderful, life wasting, creative outlet of DIY crafts, projects, home decor and fashion that can only be truely experienced and not just explained). Her blog is more of her story and life after losing a bunch of weight, gaining more confidence and a whole new grasp on life. She posts great food and drink recipes, hints for curbing appetite and just her daily life as of now. This is wonderful and all but I feel like perhaps I would like to make this here blog one a little different. Not that I am really into the whole blog world but I don't really hear of too many blogs out there where the writer says, okay Im starting today with getting fit. I think the majority of them start after the really really tough parts--eating right and working out. Oh, the tempations that are out there to eat ice cream and sit on the couch as opposed to go to the gym and eat carrots. I know these temptations. I've lived them everyday. And at the end of the day when I can't resist its like a big grey heavy cloud hangs over me and I just want to listen to sad music because I feel like I have failed for that day. Aaaaand makes me want to more! Anyone else know this feeling? Just me? Cool. =)

But see, I also have a little added motivation to change. One of my best friends is getting married in June! Big congrats to her and her fella Josh, I am so excited for them! And on top of that, I was asked to be her Maid of Honor! I am beyond thrilled and honored to be asked to have this role in her life changing event. I hope that one of her big event will, God willing, lead to a life changing event of my own. So with that extra kick in the pants, I finally want to (more like need to) to get healthy after all my years of being the "bigger girl" and constantly being overweight and being okay with it. Because the truth is kiddos, I'm not okay. Yes, I know God made me in His image, and I by no means intentially mean to insult my Creator and Savior. But I know that this body is no temple. Well a temple to sitting on my butt eating chips and pizza, but that is not what God created and saved me for. So please save the, "You're great just the way God made you" stuff. Because every big girl, or former big girl, out there knows that most of the time we act like its nice to hear it coming from the skinny friends, but inside my brain I am rolling my eyes and knowing that they have no freaking clue what they and their high metabolisms are talking about. I mean that in the nicest way possible =)

With all of this mumbo jumbo talk you may be wondering, if you have stuck with me thus far, "Whats the point Tay?" And here it is: I want this to be a blog of new beginnings. Most likely centered around my journey and battle with weight. How I pray God will grant me the strength, perserverance and grace to allow this to happen and for me to finally weigh what my driver;s license says I weigh! (I even lied by about 10 lbs when I was 16 and first got my license! Shameful I know)

I know that his will only be able to happen if it is His will for me. So pray for me?! Pray that God would grant me the discipline to say no to bad foods and yes to fitness and working out, especially when I don't want to. And even more prayer that I don't get those yes's and no's mixed up! I hope that through this blog, I might inspire some other people out there to do the same. Its not an easy thing. I have made so many attempts and get down about 30 lbs and for some reason call it quits, then gain back 40! What is that about!? uggh. But one thing I have never really done is make it such a public affair. Perhaps this is the kind of accountability I need. One where I may see more defeats than victories on a public scale. But hey, thats what they do on the Biggest Loser right? It is on a national level of accountability! Yikes! Even though seceretly, or now not so secretly, I have always wanted to be on that show! I think I would lose some major butt! And by butt I mean weight, not the challenges because I would totally dominate those. Maybe I would gain a nice bootay though?

Here's to new beginnings and accountabiliy!!