What a pair of jeans can do

I am less than pleased with myself and my current eating and lack of working out lately. That darn Thanksgiving with all its delicious carbs! I really have been feeling the weight of my eating decision these past few weeks. iterally going back to eating more carbs really has made me feel physically so much bigger. I definitely know they hate me now. Its been really interesting, because of the fact that although I have chosen to be more "balanced" in my diet these past few weeks I have been able to maintain my weight loss and teeter between 2-3 lbs. but it feels more like 8-10 because of the heaviness and processing of my foods. However, I'm not complaining! This is a huge success for me. Although, I do fear I will regress.

Every diet I have ever tried, every attempt to lose weight, I have seen small chunks of success and then gain all of it back and then some. I become comfortable with where I am at and just give up and quickly forget all the hard work I put in to get to that point. I do not want that to happen this time. My biggest fear at this point is getting comfortable with the success I have seen(which is weird because numbers don't like, but I feel like the mirror does[more on that in a sec]), and just regress back to my old self.

Whenever I get on the scale I am in constant shock of the fact of God's grace in allowing me to be able to keep this weight off! It may seem insignificant to say that it is a grace of God that I havemaintained the weight, but trust me when I say it is honest grace because I know with my eating and laziness to not go to the gym, I deserve some serious weight gain! I don't know how or why, but in each of my decisions, both good and bad, of what to fill my stomach with, some how God is good to continue to give me hope. The weirdest thing is you guys, I don't see my weight loss!! Like I literally look in the mirror and can tell a little bit in my face an neck, but other than that, I'm stumped! I don't look in the mirror and see a new person yet. Granted I am down a jean size, which is insane!!  I finally have been able to wear a pair of designer jeans! This is big news and if you are a dude reading this, you may not understand this at any level but thats okay, have a lady friend, girlfriend or wife attempt to explain the complexity of our brains and why stuff like this is a big deal. ;)

I get my passion for fashion from my amazing momma who exposed me to the wonder that is shopping at an early age ;) As silly and as completely meaningless as it is, I grew up never really being able to fit into the nice jeans I saw friends wearing. So 2 weeks ago when I tried some on, I was convinced they wouldn't fit because jeans like that never have before even though the size is correct. But what a surprise! THEY FIT! I know that this is probably the stupidest thing you have ever read, a girl getting excited about a pair of jeans, but it really represents so much more than just losing weight.

I have really been struggling in my heart with continuing my weight loss because I haven't noticed it for myself. My biggest worry is that I will accomplish my goals, God willing, but still feel fat on the inside. A dear friend of mine lost a TON of weight, but she sadly revealed that her heart had not been in the right place and she had gained a lot of it back. I am praying so desperately that God would make things clear to me so that I might not be discouraged by the lack of obvious success. I know it is silly to think that God used a pair of jeans to help me with this, but I can't help but feel like He did. Let's be honest, this is not a deep theological revelation, but the fact that(and I admit this a little sheepishly) I was brought practically to tears in the dressing room because of God's goodness to me to help me get healthy and honor him through this was waaay overwhelming. And really exciting to say the least!

God has given me much hope to maintain my current weight throughout this holiday season and have much hope to hit Paleo and the gym hard in the New Year. Still praying for discipline to get to the gym and just make smart decisions but I have really yet to go hog wild and pig out since not eating paleo.

Please pray for me in this you guys. I need me some mondo amounts of encouragement and I am hopeful for what this next section of my journey brings me. I don't look at this as a stopping point at all. I don't look at this as throwing in the towel either. Maybe more of a pitstop or a potty break on my long journey. =)

Here's to that one pair of jeans!

Guilt-free Eating??

I feel like I start every blog out with, "well, It's been a few weeks.." I am so bad at this blogging thing! I am very inconsistent and I am sorry to the 3 of you out there who read this. lol

Well, last week(the 12th) I lost no weight! I stayed the same. Which for me is fine. I didn't work out and I definitely strayed from Paleo a bit. So I'd rather stay the same weight than gain!

This morning I weighed myself to find I was down another 2 lbs!! Now here is the miracle of Jesus: I worked out Monday. That is it. One day. Doesn't seem like enough to have me lose weight! Granted, I did a phase 3 which included a whole 60 minutes on the cybex, which is like a stair stepper sort of machine. For more of an illustration, what the ellyptical is to the treadmill, this thing is to a stair stepper.

I have been having an incredibly hard time these last 2 weeks wanting to stick to Paleo you guys. But let me say this first!! I really REALLY love this way of eating!! I truly love how I feel on it and love what seems to be happening to my body, even though most times in the mirror I don't always see it, I still love it! So this last week, I had definitely had my cheat moments. I had many thins that are not paleo approved, but still are incredibly healthy well balanced choices. I also came to a really hard place where I was feeling incredibly guilty for eating so "poorly in my mind. I am incredibly quick to forget how extreme paleo eating is and it was revealed that I am being way to hard on myself.

We had a fun ladies night last wednesday, had dinner and my friend Amy's house(she just had her precious little girl Kenzie on saturday!) and she was the best hostess!! She as so kind to ask me what foods I can have, as she and another lady friend are vegetarians, and made a meal catering to all our specific diets! What an incredible lady!! Then we, of course with the premiere of the last installment, watched Breaking Dawn Part 1. It was the most splendid of nights with some great gal pals. As we were all talking about diets, eating, ways of dieting, weight loss, health and what not, I was asked about my diet and my fight against food and how I have lost some weight and what not. I got an opportunity, seriously given by the Holy Spirit, to be honest about my guilt and struggle and how even though I did NOT want to make this a diet where I would feel guilty for my slip-ups, that is exactly what it turned into. And with the holidays coming up and me actually wanting to enjoy them and eat some good food for one day ya know?

One of the wonderful ladies there gave me some exceptional advice for the upcoming holiday season of which I will for sure be using for holidays with fam and special occasions. and not everyday is a special occasion! I have to remind myself of that ;) She told me to make a sort of mental contract with myself. Tell myself before hand what I will allow myself to eat, like one piece of pie, not 3, or a small portion of mashed potatoes(because man I love carbs!) not half a plate full. This was , I know what I am allowing myself to have and i can actually enjoy it without guilt. 

This may be something that some of you readers have done before and have known about for a long time, but this is a very new concept to me. Cheating willfully on a strict eating plan and being able to enjoy it? An incredibly foreign concept for his lady. But my life is not my diet. Nor do I want my life to revolve around it or be consumed by it. By life is meant to revolve around Christ. My life is meant to be one of obedience to him, not a slave to the food I consume as a means to renovate my pathetic and uncared for temple of a body.

I hope that you all have had a wonderful weekend and look forward to writing a blog about my thankfulness and it is the ultimate week of thankfulness in this week of Thanksgiving =) 

Here's to eating guilt free!

Feeling a bit like Bon Jovi

So today marks the completion of 6 weeks total of being on Paleo. Weighed in today and holy crap, lost another 5 lbs!! Brings me to 24 lbs down on Paleo and 50 lbs for the year! I am in complete disbelief you guys! A huge reason is because I made some not so paleo friendly treat for a ladies hang out time but which I also ate of because they were delish!! Breakfast, Lasagna and taco cups! I should have taken a picture! Here is pretty much what they looked like though =)

 They were so good! but they had cheese, I forgot how much I love cheese. =)

I pretty much am halfway there...aaaand then the Bon Jovi song comes into my brain ev-er-y time! You know the one:

"WOOAA We're half way there! WOA-OOH Livin on a prayer!" 

Your Welcome. =D

Okay, back on track after that musical break, I am halfway to one of my short term goals which is to give Paleo a solid 12 week go at it. And this picture kind of gave me some motivation

This kind of holds true for me. I haven't really noticed too much of a difference in the mirror but I have in my clothes. Well, at least in the way that things from last fall were a lot tighter to get zipped up than they are this season! They are baggier than I would have ever thought, it is super bizarre because I still feel the same size. It is such a weirdo feeling.

I also saw this on pinterest and realized that summer 2013 is going to be here sooner than I think and thought this was rather motivating too!

And the other "halfway there" thing is that I have lost 50 lbs, and I am really aiming to lose 100 within the next year. I would love to lose it by summer, but it took me almost 11 months to lose get this far, that I don't think I will be discouraged if I can't get that 50 lbs off in 8 months. I think it is crazy that for the first time in my life I have actually lost this much in one go. I have said this before, but my usual yo-yo weight loss routine is, I lose 30 lbs, feel like I've done a great job and then gain back 40. So this is a huge record for me. I'm not going to lie, there is a little frustration with me not being able to tell a visible difference for myself. like in the mirror or in my jeans. That is where I want to see a difference. I have to keep telling myself that it is not important. the number on the scale is not important. the number on the tags of my clothes are not important. This is about health and wellness. But I would be a big liar if I said I never thought about it, longed for it, hoped or dreamed about it. So I'm just gonna throw it out there and say I do deal with it, I do struggle with it, but I do not want let it define or become the reason why I continue on this journey.

Now, the last motivating picture I am going to post will be because  I am the biggest of procrastinators! I seriously am always telling myself, "Tomorrow I will go to the gym." Or "tomorrow will be the day when I ___insert almost anything I am to lazy to do here___" I know that I will fail in this area. Undoubtedly, I will make this same habitual mistake again and again. But it is the times that I am given the strength to get off my butt and do something active that I am very thankful for. Those are the ones where I want to remember taht amazing feeling of accomplishing something goodfor my body, my temple, the one body I was given to steward well, made by my Creator, that if I wear it out, what the heck am I going to do with it? As far as staying active and pushing myself at the gym I thought this was  very true because there is always a little, or a lot, of regret when I do not do something active.

Well thats all for now folks. I really hope you all had a wonderful and safe halloween and don't go to crazy on eating the Halloween candy! I am sure it is peak season if you are in the dentistry field.

Here's to the next 6 weeks!!

Let's do this! It's never too late to start =)

A Case of the Mondays

Today is Monday, in case you didn't know that =) I have officially been on Paleo one month ya'll!! I also lost another 2 lbs last week!! I found some dark chocolate and I kind of went a bit Norman Bates on it since I feel like its been ages since I have had something that sweet. But I did work out 4 times last week which I am very proud of! I feel like 4 lbs a weeks is a good healthy amount to lose every week, so I am satisfied. :)

For some reason today, things just felt weird. I can't put my finger on what or why though. I had a fairly normal pre-work morning. Even though it was an abnormal freezing 37 degrees this morning! Got to work and seemed to be very easily irritated and overwhelmed. Even though I have only 3 babies today instead of my usual 5; as far as I am concerned I might as well have had 9! Then a wonderful co-worker made a starbucks run so I was able to get some delicious venti Vanilla Rooibis tea w/ 4 sweet N Low... yuuummmmmmmm.

I CONFESS: Sweet N Low is NOT paleo approved. But, it is one of my "big cheats" that I tend to consume with my tea or americano. That and having salads which I do not make and dressing which I do not make. Thats about the most cheating I do so I feel pretty okay about it ;)

Back to the rooibs: I love this tea! It is just so wonderful and smells amazing! If Starbucks made it into a candle I would surely buy it. Well, this wonderful tea only had a few sips of it before one of our bigger moose tots decided to charge me for a big snuggly hug(which I normally always welcome) spilling my tea on me and a bit on himself. It was just a little bit, but was still just annoying to me. As much of an blonde, idiot or clutz as I can be with the simple task of conversation or even walking for that matter, I am not one to normally waste, or drop or be clumsy when it comes to drinks. So this was really irritating even though it was a complete accident I found myself getting probably more upset than I should have.

With that being said, my break could not have come sooner!! I was beyond ready to take a breather. So then as I get settled in with my computer, tea, chicken and carrots to eat during said break I moved my computer back an inch or so forgetting that I set my tea behind it. yep. All over the floor. I normally don't have these kinds of mornings where everything just irks me and rubs me the wrong way. Sure I get annoyed and irritated when things don't go my way just any normal human being but today has just seemed to be going the straight opposite of how I'd want my monday to go! What is the deal?!?!

It is now nap time. My 3 little ones are sleepy soundly and it is just blissful to hear the rain pitter patter outside. I love me some rainy days =) I have done the one thing, that is not always the FIRST thing I know I should do: pray. I am not always so quick to pray when I know I should. When I know God wants me to not worry because He's got His plans all laid out for me. I need to take comfort in that and not try to be so flustered when my day isnt going the way I intend for it to go. As cheesy as this is.... and I may get teased for this later because of its cheesiness, but it is so good in its truth, "I may not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future." His ways are better, who am I to tell not only MY creator, but the creator of the Universe how things should go? Its like clay telling the potter what to make it into. He has reasons for what appears to be a weird and crummy day to teach me something and to be joyful. But in all realities, I am beyond blessed. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, more than one pair of shoes, a car to drive, food to eat, family that loves me, a church family that points me to Jesus and a savior who died for me and took on my sin. Why complain? Well, it all to simple; sin. Im human. These things happen. But I am so grateful for the conviction, repentance and forgiveness I can be granted. All I suppose I can say is that its a case of the mondays.

Here's to Mondays!

Start of Paleo Week 4

Well friends here I am starting Week 4 on Paleo. I must say, I LOVE IT! I feel so good, I have energy and don't need an americano in the morning to function. Maybe that is also because I am going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. And I love sleep so this is a wonderful thing! I admit, to my shame, I did not work out once last week =/ So when I went to go weigh myself on the scale this morning I was indeed a bit nervous. But stepped on and sure enough, down 2 more lbs. I don't think I blogged last week but I lost 4 more lbs the week before this one.

THAT IS CRAZY!

That makes a total of 14 lbs since starting paleo and a total of 40 lbs for 2012. This really is the hardest physical thing I have ever done or worked for. I am finding that there really is a lot of temptation around me, but I am really lucky to have the support of my room mates, friends, family and church family that have all been very encouraging and helpful! I am blessed.

I finally took some cooking risks this last week and tried out some little ways to make my veggies taste better. I cannot lie, I am not too risky when it comes to cooking. I think it stems from the fact that I would be so disappointed in myself if I ruined something due to an experiment and had to throw it away. But, lucky for me, my room mate, friend who happens to be a wife and Momma to 3 kiddos, Morgan, offered to help me and see if we could figure out some ways to make my boring food taste yummy. SUCCESS! We did! She was such a help and so nice to offer her knowledge in cooking to help this intimidated Dino-chow eater out a bit =D Now I feel like I can take a few more risks with what I cook and not have to eat plain veggies.

--Notice that I have been talking mostly about making the veggies taste good. HUGE fruit fan, but plain veggies without some dressing, not my cup of tea. That is still a tough one for Tay. And speaking of tea, tea without sugar, sweetener or milk is not my cup of tea either I've found out.

The other hard thing for me has been budgeting and planning like I had predicted. But thankfully I think I am onto a budget plan that will help me to not go without paleo food for a few days. Not gonna lie, I live a paycheck to paycheck lifestyle like a lot of people I know, and I've always had a hard time saving money, so I almost had to go back to eating top ramen and microwave foods. Which is okay. but not ideal for my current goals in getting healthy. However, I did receive the, "It's okay to do that." from a fellow Paleo-ian? ite?... from another person who eats paleo, and she said it was okay. Not the normal response when following a strict type of eating! this blew my mind and has taken some pressure that I tend to put on myself to not screw up. Phew!

For me, I fall off the wagon so easy when it comes to junk food because I love it so! So when I allow myself a little, I have found I don't have a lot of self discipline to stop after just one meal, or one day even. I've been learning a huge lesson in self motivation and self discipline these past few weeks. Such a  challenge, but it just goes to show that you're never too old to change your ways!

Here's to the next weigh in!

Paleo Week 1- done and done!

That's right, one week down! Okay so this week has been a week of trial and error for sure! But, very shortly after what turned out to be somewhat of a starvation post, a very lovely lady name Marna, whose children I adore(both have been/are currently at SLC:D) and who has been an incredible help in the beginning of my Paleo journey. She has a great blog if you are at all interested in hearing her journey or getting meal plans I recommend you check out her blog here. Well, She came to my rescue with a Larabar and told me it was my new snack best friend and I'm not kidding you guys, it was delish!! Who knew this type of food could be so good and super healthy for you too? I had a hard time trying to figure out how to make food taste yummy, especially veggies without that good old friend of mine ranch dressing. and have just been to scared to try to make anything so far this week without getting the basics down first. Thankfully, I have another incredible friend, Amanda who wanted to start this lifestyle change as well and she went to town! She made like 5 different dressings, peach butter, paleo mayo, which I affectionately call, Paleonaise =) and this incredible chocolate granola that satisfies my sweet tooth ever so wonderfully!! So from the bottom of my heart Amanda : THANK YOU!!!!

Man, this is such an incredible journey I feel like God is allowing me to go on. I know I do not have the strength on my own, and I am so thankful for the strength to continue to turn from the tempting cupcakes, McDonald's, chips, fries, and many many other scrumptious temptations I find myself faced with every week! 

So as far as my weight loss goes, I lost 8 lbs in 7 days! As my room mate Morgan said this morning, "That is like Biggest Loser week 3 weight loss." I must admit, that also may or may not add to my excitement in this new way of eating. But as I have one with the many many attempts in dieting before this, the first week is always a pretty big loss because of the shock to the body. But I am hoping that it may be making my metabolism faster because I feel like I am eating all the time. Which is also why I kind of like this diet. I eat more often, but really good for me without that heavy, just-ate-thanksgiving-feast feeling that I used to love. 

That feeling was like a drug. I was totally addicted to it. I fully enjoyed my gluttony in those moments, where I would just eat and eat till that food baby was fully grown and just sit and enjoy that pain that was like a high almost. That, or nap. People would ask me if I wanted food, and even though I had just consumed something of a normal meal, I wouldn't turn it down for the taste morsels that were being freely offered to me. It was a serious problem. I just know that in the last month God made it very apparent to me my sin, and relationship with food, and how I let it totally overcome me in every way because the pleasure and joy I got from food was way better to me in those moments than Jesus was. Or because I felt bad about myself, or low in certain moments and food seemed to make the pain a little easier rather than talk it out in community or turn to Jesus. I  would guess it is because food was so much more appeasing to my flesh than to my soul, and that is a scary place to be. Especially when I was in that place, and didn't want to admit it, just wanted to embrace it and shovel down more food or drink. 

What a beautiful Savior I get to serve! How thankful am I for His grace? I'd like to say I am thankful beyond words, but the truth of it is, I constantly take for granted His grace. Even in the midst of this incredible journey He has me on. and in knowing that, it continues to make more and more grateful for His forgiveness and grace. =) 

Here's to Paleonaise and vegan chocolate! 

Paleo Day 2

This is craziest of all the crazies. I feel like I have eaten more volume wise than I normally do, yet I am still hungry!! It is quite an incredible thing that eating fruits, veggies and meat can make me feel this way you guys! I feel like I have been constantly eating these 2 days. Never feeling that heavy full feeling that I have always secretly loved. See ya later food babies! I can't wait to se how my body is going to be reacting once I have done this a full week! Although I am still currently hungry. lol

Side Note: i was reading some of my old blogs and realized that they all seem to be like novels! I really had no idea that I was writing so much! For those of you who have stuck with me, thanks =)

Day 2 going pretty well but I am at work and almost out of food. I really need to go get me some almonds and some olive oil. Not to mix together. That sounds weird with just those two ingredients. Oh and, AND I woke up in the 5 am hour to get up and go to the gym!! I have had an early start and with Community Group tonight, which I always love, there is no stopping me today! Full day!! Man, sleep is going to be great tonight =D Also because I am getting to have a sleep over with two of my favorite girls and bring them to school tomorrow.

Here's to food babies, RIP little guys.

Paleolithic what?

So with it almost being October and that being the 10th month of this year that I so badly wanted to change my life, I feel like I am a bit behind on the whole life change thing. When I say "life change" I am meaning getting healthy, losing the weight I have carried for so long and most importantly, with Jesus' help, that I would better fight my sin and temptation of gluttony and low self worth. Side note: I feel like I may or may not be pre-diabetic upon researching recently. But then again when you research health related things on the internet,  you end up feeling like you could have cancer and possibly 3 other diseases that only Dr. House himself could diagnose. Because let's face it. He is the smartest physician ever:)

So here it is folks: Tomorrow I start the Paleo, or the "caveman" diet. For those of you who haven't heard of Paleo, check out this website for a basic overview of what it is. I am also in the midst of reading Robb Wolf's book called "The Paleo Solution" and I am finding it incredibly informational and helpful!

I am indeed scared for this. I have heard so many great things about it. How great people feel and how much energy they have. It seems like such a basic concept for eating, yet I am overwhelmed at the thought of this as I live such an "on-the-go" lifestyle. So for me, prepping meals is going to be the hardest thing to remember to do for my lunch everyday. Or the night before because I get pretty lazy in the mornings...

If any of you out there reading this could keep me in your prayers for this new change I would be so grateful! I have no doubts the first few days, if not weeks, will be incredibly hard as my body gets acclimated to not eating processed foods, sugars and carbs. It is for sure an extreme way of eating but I have been giving it a ton of thought and prayer and feel like it is going to be a great option and that God can be most glorified by me getting rid of the things that I am often easily tempted by. I know I can't do this on my own. I know that my flesh is incredibly weak to all the temptations around me. I know that there is no way that without Jesus giving me strength to fight, not only to honor God with my body, but also give me the strength to fight temptation and no longer make food one of my gods that I so often put before the love and grace of Jesus. I don't want to be dogmatic about this diet as I can already tell from previous attempts is that my natural reactions to things are to take it to extremes and I don't want to be that crazy lady preaching about this and how great it is necessarily because of the diet. I want to honor Christ through this experience and give Him all glory for it. Like I said, I am incredibly weak in my flesh. There is no way that without the great people around me that I would consider doing this. I have had some great Jesus loving folks who have seen so much success and life change with this and am excited for what lies ahead.

I pray that God would grant me strength each day to be excited about this! I pray that God would grant me the fight to not give into the easiness of eating all the fast convenient foods around me. If any of you have ever struggled with eating better, not eating the foods that you know you shouldn't or that your body is addicted to, you know the detox period is such a struggle. Excited to share the results, difficulties, process and success' with you friends.

Here's to Christ's strength and the grace it is that we receive it!

A Car Wash on an Overcast Day

Yesterday our church had a car wash at the local Les Schwab in the Renton Highlands. It was such a great time spent with one another as we got to wash cars. Huge thanks to Corianne who did a great job organizing it! I mostly stood near the street with Corianne and Ashley waving signs and yelling to people we were having a free car wash. Which we thought was funny after, realizing that it was girls out on the corner telling people to get their car washed, then to have a group of 6 fellas there to actually wash the cars. If any dirt bag guys thought it was some sort of bikini car wash they were quickly corrected. haha! I did help wash a few cars and I got the chance to talk to a lady who could not believe we didn't want her money and that we just wanted to serve the community of Renton. This reaction seemed to be common among our recipients yesterday. Shock. That a group of people would actually gather resources and spend their saturday morning washing cars for strangers in order to serve the community. As well as hand out cookies and awesome strawberry lemonade! As God would have it, the most fruitful response was from two ladies who were met that didn't even get a car wash, they were on a walk!

Pastor Brian spoke a great message today out of Mark 8 in continuing our "Leaving His Mark" series as He and Elder Ryan Strieby are preaching through the book of Mark. In His message, Brian also referenced Isaiah 55 and verses 8 and 9 stood out to me so much today in thinking not only about my life but made for an impact in our outreach event yesterday.

Isaiah 55:8-9: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than yours thoughts."

HOW CRAY CRAY IS THIS?!?! Our Way: An outreach in wanting to wash cars and tell people about our church from getting their car washed. His Way: Two ladies out for a walk who we found out happened to be looking for a new church! Then bring their whole family(totaling 8!) to come to not only a Doxa service but to come out to lunch with us today! And we found out one of the girls who came with the family just had a birthday so we got to sing to her today in our long standing tradition of singing "Happy Birthday" after service and before cupcakes=)

God is SO good!! I just think it is funny that the means by which we thought we would meet people, God truly showed us His ways are better and are more fruitful in any efforts we put forth and the means by which we think we will people and be able to tell then about the gospel. I am so thankful to have been saved by a God that is continually showing me just how great He is!!

Here's to His plans being greater than any we could ever conjure up!

A maybe not so short story about Tay...

So this is a short-ish story of how I came to be where I am now as far as church goes. Just thought I would share because I was feeling so thankful in the adventure God has taken me on and even though it has been scary and unknown in a lot of ways, stepping out in faith has shown me just how incredible God is when I truly put my faith in His plans for me. Where we end up is always where God wants us to end up... So read on I suppose =)

I didn't really grow up going to church as a kid. We were the Easter Sunday and Christmas Eve type of family, and then I went to church camp when I was 12. I'm pretty sure around the campfire on that Wednesday night was truly where Jesus saved me and thus my heart was regenerated and inclined to want to know more about my Creator. So I started going to local youth groups in Maple Valley to try to find a fit. It wasn't until I was 17 that I really found a church that I felt God was really calling me to and thus began my journey to knowing God and what the Bible I had(that had collected dust on my shelf for years) was saying to me about Him. I grew spiritual and relational roots there. I was blessed to be able to have meaningful relationships with the pastors and their families and was privileged to serve there in multiple ministries. The 6 years that was spent and invested in there have been a part of my journey in beginning to know and understand God, His ways and His plan for me. Making that my home church was wonderful but nothing could have prepared me for the adventure God would take me on these last 2 years.

About 2 summers ago I felt that  God was leading me in a new direction and it was time to move on from this church and the relationships I held so dear. As hard as it was for me to have to say good-bye to everything I knew about church, mentorship and ministry, there was far more that I had yet to be exposed to. I knew God needed to get me out of my comfort zone in order for me to further grow. What a scary thing! I had never had to set on my own to try and search for a new church when I didn't really know what I was looking for. I wasn't as prayerful as I should have been during this process, but God was so good to bring me to Doxa Community Church. It has been the most challenging years of my life. Growth is hard. It is something I am thankful for everyday and something I pray to continue to fight through. The hardest thing I have had to fight for recently is being evangelistic. I never really had the mindset of an evangelist. I knew I wanted people to know about Jesus and His little church in the Renton Highlands that has been used so much for my growth. The problem was, I just had no way of saying it without thinking I would come across sounding like an awkward, soap box standing, "turn or burn" annoyance. I know that is not the right way to tell people about a caring, graceful and loving God. Through much struggle of our church as a whole, it was revealed through one of our elders that we needed to create opportunities instead of just pray for them to show up. A difference between being a faithful christian and a faithful church planter is a faithful Christian seizes opportunities when they are presented to them. A faithful church planter seeks to create the opportunities by connecting and relating to people, forming relationships, and praying for soft, receptive hearts of those they will come into contact with to share the Gospel and point them to a community where they can further understand the sacrifice of Jesus and the ultimate glory that God enjoys of His creation as we seek to treasure Him above all things.

I would have never thought I'd be a part of a church plant. But God always has other plans for us doesn't He? Last weekend was Renton River Days and we had a little booth set up(which coincidentally was the first time 2 years ago that I saw the people with whom I'm now sharing life with, weird!). I am so thankful for the encouragement of my fellow Doxa family as we set out together to share with people about us and invite them to check out our service on Sundays.

I really can't get over the whirlwind that it was to see my church family be bold, connect with so many people and really fight to be better evangelists. I am hopeful for the fruit that will develop from this opportunity(including inviting Earl Thomas from the Seahawks![btw pre-season starts on sunday ABOUT TIME!] Good job Michael Posey! haha).

I am so blessed to be in this season of life. I take it for granted so often and when my emotions take me on a rollercoaster, I am often so quick how beautiful life really is. How when we find ourselves in places we never intended to, it is such a great example of God working in our lives. I love not knowing where I'm going to end up or who I'm going to meet. Life is an incredible blessing and adventure.

Here's to a bold adventure!

Parts Of Life, I Am Not So Certain. But That's Okay.

Its been a crazy couple of weeks. Two weeks ago today I was in a wedding watching one of my best friends, Nicole, get married. It is crazy to think that 2 years ago, she and I would be spending our time discussing about our future husbands, the weddings we would plan and the future we would have with those husbands. Our friday nights were consumed by "Say Yes To The Dress" followed by "Four Weddings" while in sweats chilling on the couch and if any of you know Nicole, most likely eating cake. We often seemed to have cake at that apartment. :)

Now she is a married lady and I am so incredibly happy for her and her new hubby Josh! They are a great couple and had an incredibly fun and beautiful wedding! Nicole was the most beautiful of brides and Josh was a regular James Bond in his tux. It was a beautiful ceremony where Pastor Nik emphasized the importance of how in covenant marriage, being husband and wife is an example of how Christ is to the church. Oh how life is about to change for them! I am blessed to call them friends and to see how Jesus uses their marriage for their future good and growth in becoming more like Christ =)

Life is an interesting thing for me right now. I turn 25 on friday. Holy. Crap. 25. sometimes I think, "where did those years go?"I don't really know what to make of life at this point. Of a few things I am certain and some other things I am not so certain. I will try to explain a bit more and we'll see where this goes as I put my thoughts into this entry. =)

-I know that God is good. He is supreme, loving, all-knowing and rules sovereignly over my life allowing good and bad to happen to me so that I might ultimately respond in obedient repentance as a means to reflect all things back to Him for His glory.

-I know that I have been led to an incredible church that I love serving at and being a part of. Our community is like a family and I am continually laughing, loved and being pointed to Jesus through all my circumstances.

-I know that I am impatient to be married. It is something that often my brain day dreams about and unfortunately there has yet to be a pursuer of my heart. One best friend just married and another best friend working slowly but surely towards that goal (aaaand I'm pretty sure they will be engaged by the end of the year =)But I have no real evidence of that other than the feeling in my heart  for these two dear friends of mine who are in love and it is very exciting!!). I don't intend for this to be a pity party but I do have sad days. Sorry I am a sinful human. Whatchya gonna do? =) I am not about to pretend that I am happy ALL of the time about this and that I have the strength on my own to fight my loneliness. But thanks to the strength and love of Jesus, I really do have good days about my single season these last 25 years. God has been so good to give me joy in being single some days. I get to draw nearer to my Creator and have been graced by the romance He has for me as a daughter that He has chosen to save and continues to reveal more about Himself through scripture, prayer, community group, pastors, friends and situations. I have been comforted by the Holy Spirit when I have felt lonesome and when pride gets the better of me and I desire to not be where I am in this place that is the lack of romantic relationship part of life.

Okay, so I compiled this into one "Do Not Know" because it pretty much is sums it all up.

-I do not know what the future holds. Doi Tay. I hope that I would continue to trust God and not be anxious about what may come my way. I pray for peace in the unknown and against my want to control my future and deep need to know what is to come for me. I pray that I would be able to rest in the truth of knowing that God holds my days and He knows the plans He has for me. He works out all things for my good and for His glory. But man anxiety is a fight! Thank you Jesus for the strength to fight.

I guess thats all for now my friends.

Here's to being okay with not knowing!

Unplanned Time Off!

Hey Guys and Dolls out there!

So I suck big time. I realize it has been forever since I have written a blog and I apologize. Life just got a little crazy there in so many different ways and I feel like I have time to start back up blogging and letting you all know what is happening in my life.

So in overview with my fitness and health lifestyle I am down 30lbs since January guys! That is a huge thing for me! I was so scared when I ordered the dress for my best friends wedding(that is happening in ONE WEEK!! more on this story later) in a size smaller than what I actually tried on in the dress salon. So I went to pick up my dress in mid April when they called, they asked me if I wanted to try it on while I was there and maybe see if I needed any alterations. Embarrassed about the fact that I was pretty sure the then 15lbs I had lost had been gained back in the few shorts months since I ordered my dress, I just grabbed my dress and rushed home. I waited to try it on that night out of humiliation and the fact that I was pretty sure my dress wasn't going to fit.

To my surprise my fellow lady roomie Cor asked me to try it on chanting "fashion show at lunch! fashion show at lunch!" (shameless Office reference)So I did indeed put on the dress and shoes and was able to zip it up all by myself and it fit perfect!!!!! Now if there are any fellas reading this I don't know if you can understand the excitement of this. Ladies out there, I am sure you know the joy I felt!! Its like that Progresso soup commercial where all the ladies are calling on the soup can saying, "they fit" and all the chefs ladies on the other side of the soup can phone are excited and congratulating the ones calling to celebrate. Then one lady gets a man chef and he's says, "ooookay." and the ladies response is, "Is there a woman I can talk to?" lol! I love that commercial because I can relate to that so well right now! But it fit and I was so happy with how it all looked together, SO excited to honor one of my best friends and then party and dance the night away in a week!

I'm telling you you guys, this is the craziest thing, 2 years ago Nicole and I were just two single ladies living together in our first apartment, watching wedding shows every friday night, dreaming about the day that we would get to plan and have our own weddings. Now, it is somewhat unreal to me that she is about to become a Mrs. in just 7 days. Ahhh!! What an exciting time week this will be! =) I am so excited for her to become Mrs. Joshua Cross. I am so honored to be apart of their special life changing event and day. This is kind of one of the big motivators for me wanting to change my life. I really plan to continue to do this for the rest of the year but unfortunately I have been lacking on motivation since I didn't go for at least 5 weeks! =(

See, I got a promotion at work and I have been more tired each day than I have ever been after work. I now work with 5 one year old babies all alone for the day! It is INSANITY!! But friends, let me tell you, God is good and I have been praying for patience, strength and grace so that I am able to do the best job possible for those sweet babes. Prayer works and I am praising him for that! I have been completely overwhelmed with care and encouragement from my pastor, roomies, friends, co-workers and my boss! That is a huge one! My boss(s) has had so much faith in me and been so encouraging in knowing that I will do a great job with the transition in schedule and responsibilities of being a lead teacher from the beginning. And I have also gotten the stamp of approval from the well seasoned ladies who work in the infant room. These ladies have worked with kids for 40+ years!! So to have them have confidence in me and communicate that to parents is incredibly encouraging and uplifting. I am so blessed to be working at SLC! I love my job, love all my babes and am so sad that some of them are moving up in a few weeks because I have such a great connection with them already. But it is how it has to be, every 6 months I will have to see them move up to the next Toddler class =( I will miss all my snuggles and hugs but luckily I see them in the afternoon after nap so I am not so sad. As annoying as it is for the teacher to come in after me(SIDE NOTE: this may sound weird to some of you, and I am hoping others will be able to relate) but it is a sweet feeling to know that one of my sweet girls fell apart and freaked out emotionally when I left for the day on Friday! They get so attached at this age and I love that I get to see them learn, mature and grow into little humans :)

God has ben so good in the grace of having the Holy Spirit be so comforting and helping me to feel loved and cared for. Times have been difficult this last season but I am so grateful to Jesus for his healing and graces in helping me to be hopeful and carry on with life in the midst of my difficult and sad times. I could not be hopeful or fight for joy in my life without Jesus and it is because of Him dying on the cross and taking on my sins that I am able to do or be anything good and for that I am grateful beyond words and just want everyone to know about his goodness =)

So, in conclusion I apologize for the long silence in the blogosphere but I hope to return to keep you all updated more often than not!

Here's to accidental breaks in life and the goodness through Jesus that come from them! =)

Oh, The Comfort Zone.

So I feel like a real failure today. Haven’t worked out since Thursday, didn’t go 4 times this week like I have been wanting to and I have also been slacking in eating well. Times are getting tough and I feel like I have definitely hit a plateau and am losing motivation. Then I remembered that I ordered my dress for Nicole’s wedding in June, a size smaller. MOTIVATION FOUND!! However, gym, eating and weight loss aside, here was my day today friends. I didn’t even realize until this very second that I didn’t weigh myself out of the sheer business of this morning. At the house today we got to throw a wonderful baby shower for our friend Kristin at our church which was very fun to be apart of.
In other news, our worship leader has been sick with some really aggressive throat issues and has been hoarse or with no voice for the better part of 3 weeks now. This has meant that I was asked to lead our church in worship last week. With not a lot of progress in His health, I am once again in the position to lead worship. So most of you reading this know that I love music and was a total choir nerd all through school. I love playing and being apart of a worship team and count it as a grace and honor to have learned what I have from some incredible musicians, from my beginnings at New Life and now at Doxa. But nothing I have done up top this point prepared me for this. I have found a whole new respect for worship leaders and singers who do this every week. God is so good in order to give me this opportunity to be able to lead and lean on Him to carry me through and relieve my anxiety. I am so grateful to my church and my roomies for all their encouragement even though I didn’t know I’d be able to do it, let alone do a good job. I’m also very thankful for my Pastors and leaders for giving me the opportunity to grow in this area. A couple of them especially vocalized that this was going to be good for me, even though I have been very resistant to the whole idea because it is so out of my comfort zone. Which is where I have found is usually where God puts us, in one form or another, for our growth in reliance and obedience to Him. I am ever-so grateful that God continues to surprise me in opportunities and ways that I can rely on Him! And always out of nowhere! This whole situation, I mean, its something I used to think I could totally do, no problem. Something that I thought “didn’t seem that hard,” but my goodness is it a humbling experience to actually be given the opportunity to do it!
This leads me to ask for prayer for tomorrow. I hope to not be as nervous as I was last week, meaning a constant adrenaline rush of nerves and butterflies in my stomach! I hope I am quick to pray in those moments of anxiety. Should I have to lead for a 3^rd week, I really want to do as best I can, tomorrow included, to point people to Jesus in leading the congregation to fall more in love with Him through worship. And practically, that I don’t get light headed belting out the songs that I have grown to enjoy singing and playing with the fellas on worship team. I have a lot more hope for tomorrow and God is good to remind me that the true purpose of worship is to express his goodness and glorify Him. So practice as I may, flat notes, sloppy intros or maybe even an extra instrumental line, those are not as important as giving praise to my Creator and allowing Him to put me out of my comfort Zone.

Here’s to not staying comfortable! =)

Hello Cyberland =)

Well friends it's been a while! My apologies for my absence, in case any of you out there in cyberland reading this have been in great aniticipation of this next blog. =)

Good news: I am down 19 lbs since weighing myself post Snowmageddon in mid-Janruary! What a crazy thing you guys! I didn't expect to be down to that so fast! The past few weeks I have been so surprised at the ability and strength I have been given to push myself in our workouts. I am so grateful for my roomies and other friends who have come and worked out. It's so much more fun in a group or with a friend! For those of you who have seen my check-ins at Planet Fitness, I can bring a friend for free everytime I go, so let me know if you ever want to join me! I love having work out buddies. :D I also put that we do a specific type of work out called "Phase 2." You can't google or bing this workout because it is something my pastor made up in his freakishly creative mind and a very handy app on his iPad. As of now, this is what briefly what the workout consists of:

- 28 mins cardio-we go on the ellyptical
- 7-10 strengthening lifts-usually we start with abs and then do different lifts that focus all different parts of the body
- 28 mins cardio
- 5-7 strengthening lifts
- 45 mins cardio

Let me tell you this, the 2 weeks, I could not do the last 45 minutes. I didn't even try to do it out of pure exhaustion. So I went tanning instead. I mean, I had to kill time somehow you guys =)

Honestly, I'm all too conviced that it was a strength for the Lord for me to recieve motivation and strength to push through the numbing of my feet and tiredness of my body to do that last 45 minutes. It is an insane thing that I can say that I can do this workout! If you want to give it a go let me know how you like it! It is killer but the pay off is incredible! And I start to like this workout the more I think that there is a phase 3 in the future, lol. :/

Quite a bit of things have been going on in my life lately and for me, I am completely in awe of God's goodness through it all! I am totally in shock of how through some of life's more down moments, God has been able to carry me through them, give me strength, and the desire to fight for joy, hope and peace. I am filled with it through the Holy Spirit and it is one of the most beautiful things I have yet to be able to experience because of my beautiful Creator. The desire to grow closer and intimately to Him has brought beautiful new things into my life. God drawing me more to Himself has given me a freedom that has brought me closer to my community and church, and even deeper, more caring and more loving friendships with those closest to me. Several times over the past weeks I have been so overwhelmed with emotion that I have found myself just crying out to God in thanks for His goodness, grace and love. Do you have those moments of overwhelming emotion? Like good things that make you burst into the ugly cry because life is just so wonderful? Just me then? Coooool.

Keep fighting friends. This is only a small victory in the grand scheme of things that God has in store for me, but through teeny beginnings of 19 lbs loss and a constant dependency on Him and His strength to persevere to accompish my goals, I have faith that God knows His plans for my life.

Here's to fighting for joy!

SNOW!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! IT SNOWED! A big huge dumping of snow! I love it! Getting to the church yesterday was so awesome! I was excited to see what the snow looked like through the big windows we have, and let me tell you, it was magical! I had been praying for snow to fall for sunday and especially during a specific song taht had the lyrics, "wash me and I will be white as snow." I just thought it would be a beautiful illustration of Jesus taking on our sin and making us white as snow. I am a little excited about the fact that I didn't have to go to work and instead get to sit and watch the snow fall and hang out at the house doing some pinteresting and now finally deciding to write a blog because it has indeed been awhile.

Had a great time at book group and prayer on saturday morning. Got to take my two favorite girls, Liberty(9) and Merit(5) out for their birthdays to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D! Which I totally was looking forward to because they had no idea what we were going to do. I just love my time with those girls. They crack me up and are so loving. It goooives me hope that God will bless me one da with being a Momma and getting to take my own kids to movies and spend time with them. It is seriously the best! Then got to take them out to shnoo frozen yogurt and I love me some fro-yo.

Onto football; this weekend was a bit of a disappointment for me football wise. The Pats beat the Broncos which I was expecting overall, however I did have hope that by some insane miracle they would win. But I have high hopes for next year, I mean they did make it as far as the Packers this year did they not? =D I have high hopes for next season seeing as I just got a text from Ryan Strieby saying that Tim Tebow is officialy the starting quarterback going into training camp for next year. My day just got awesome, can't wait for next season =) 

Unfortunately I have nothing profound to say right now on this snowy day but I hope you are enjoying the snow and staying safe and warm.

Here's to snowy days!

Complain. Complain. Complain?

It is crazy for me to say that this has been an incredible week for me so far?! I feel like it is a rare thing for me when I have a week that has been so difficult in multiple areas but so rewarding and growing at the same time. God is so good to bless with me with people around me who are able to look beyond my sin that I have committed against them, to see Jesus, who already died for my sin. What a beautiful thing some relationships can be! I am feeling so blessed this week. =)
Also, I have worked out 3 times this week so far. Little accomplishments friends, little accomplishments! Tonight was insanely tough! It was at least 2 hours of working out and then literally ended with an hour on the ellyptical. Like feet numbing, sweaty, exhausted goodness. And when I say goodness I mean after the timer hit "60:00" and I got to get off the machine. I will feel it tomorrow and am excited to feel sore. Sure, I will most likely complain here and there about not being able to get up out of bed without feeling like I want to die, but I know that that kind of workout regime is what I need to do to seek the results I'm hoping for. Less than 6 months til one of my best friends weddings and I have so far to go. But I am hopeful. This is just the beginning and it will get easier.
We watched the Biggest Loser last night after community group and I always love watching that show. It is always so inspiring and motivating to me. I have always said I would love to be on that show and know that I would kick some major butt at the competitions. Most of the people on there are not competitive at all and it is maddening!! It is a game people!! They were chosen out of thousands of people for an incredible opportunity to change their life and they complain a freaking lot! That being said, I was able to get some perspective on my own working out and complaining. I was just reminded that I shouldn't complain about the pain and how hard I think my workouts are. Because they usually aren't. At least when I work out on my own. There just really isn't a good reason for me too. Pain is good and challenge is what I need. Tonight however, was great! Having people to work out with is great! Great, great, great! Also, since everyone I live with thrives on competition and whether or not we'd all admit it, and I can't totally speak for them, I know that for me, there is always some way I secretly compete against everyone. All in good fun though. Most of the time =)

Looking forward to the rest of the week and what it will bring! And yes this includes the Broncos vs. Patriots game on Saturday. Go Broncos!!


Here's to the times we are able to fight through and not complain!

Outed by the Pooch

I recieved a text from a friend on wednesday of this last week saying, "I found your blog." CRAP! I should have known it would only be a matter of time before at someone would figure out that I had a blog. The next thought I had was, it's only a matter of time before my whole house and church finds out about my not-so-secret blog. Here's the story, of a lovely lady... just kidding. I thought that immediately so I had to write it =) Okay moving on: it was an awkward exchange this morning before church with everyone upon the mention of a "blog" of sorts. No one really asked to many questions, but I knew some people wouldn't forget! I was able to shut up Po about my blog that I had made him swear he wouldn't say anything about in the moment. But if you know my friend Michael Posey, it was for only a few hours before it was once again brought up by him in only the way that Po can. In a not so sly manner.

So as you read this Michael, thank you. I guess my secret little blog is out. =)

I immediately recieved a teasing comments and shocking remarks about the fact that I had kept a secret for so long from the people in my community for the last 6 months. The truth is I didn't want to tell anyone for my deep fear and sin of being compared and comparing myself to others around me and never matching up to them. Pastors, friends, and most specifically my wonderful roomie Corianne who has a wonderful blog you should read if you haven't already. She created a blog probably a month or so before me and I was inspired to post my thoughts out there and see what was to come back from them. Obviously. SIDE NOTE: I hope you read that like Professor Snape from Harry Potter. I can never say that word alone without his accent...sorry. Moving on... But I wasn't ready for others to know my thoughts or read my writings. I was(and to be honest, still am) far to self conscious about my elementary writing skills and how I would be able to communicate a point that would hopefully inspire, and/or be redeemed through the Holy Spirit making some good out of my jumbled up words and phrases. But oh, how I should have known this would backfire. I cannot express the shock I felt when the news of my mystery and not-so-secret-anymore blog was well recieved, aside from the playful teasing, and actually encouraged by people around me. I must admit I felt a wee bit sheepish for trying to keep a secret from those who care about me because of my ridiculous pride and how I feel the need to keep my image up to date, seemingly seemless and all together spit spot. I never thought that people could actually enjoying reading something that I penned and wanting to know some of the inner most workings of my brain. Because it is a scary place this girl brain is--Readers Beware!

I am surprisingly overjoyed. And scared at the same time. I hope that through prayer and seeking out Christ more desperately that He will grow me in overcoming my fear and sin of comparison and covetousness. My fear of not being good enough. My fear of failing those around me. My fear of not appearing to have it all together. Most importantly I hope that through this that I am able to treasure Christ more in spite of all my failings. I know that He is faithful to complete the good work that He has started in me and I just pray that I am given the discipline to act in obedience so that I may grow in these areas where I fall short.

Here's to gaining more readers? =)





P.S. The Broncos beat the Steelers in the playoffs this afternoon!! Here's the game wining play in OT

Yes To A New Me!

New year, new me. Thats kind of the generic theme most everyone has going into the New Year right? I know I do!! To an extent that is. I have such high hopes for this new year. I feel like for the first time in my life I really want to make my best efforts to change my life and health. There are going to be so many benefits to getting myself healthy and fit and I can't wait to get to the end. Because seriously, dieting and excersizing is hard! Its hard to say no to all the sugary sweets and biege deep fried fantastic foods that I love so much! But it is not just about saying no all the time. I know that I will need to, and want to be moer strict in the beginning to see greater results, but I hope that in time I can add more bits of tasty morsels in good portions and not go food cray cray!

But I did work out today so I feel like that is a great start to this new year of change and Im pretty excited about it. I have also decided for the new year that I will be doing the Danskin triathalon in August. I feel like its a goal that is accessible for me an I have 8 months to train for it. I am so excited to start to train for this! Not a lot of ideas as exactly how to train for this but I am sure with time I will figure it out and use some of my resources =) 

Here's to a New Year and a new you, whatever your avenue of change be!