A Giant Inflatable Panda

I find sometimes I get lucky. God blesses me in ways that I don't understand and especially when I am least expecting. Ive been needing to get my brakes changed for a while now. So I finally took some action after probably 3 months of being reminded and told I needed to have them changed, so I went called a couple places to get estimates amd they teach place told me it would be over $500! One was even closer to $600. oh. em. gee. Luckily, those were just over the phone quotes and in real life I just needed to get my front brakes changed Which would still be around 1/2 those prices because of labor to do it. Thankfully for me, I happen to have some roomies who know a thing or two about vehicles so they offered to change them for me!! Oh my gosh!!! What an incredible blessing!! I am so ecstatic!!! As if you couldn't tell from all the exclamitories =)
So far I have worked out twice this week. Started out tuesday morning which was great. Got my cardio in for the day and then last night me and a great group of us went and did some serious work at the gym! we were there for over 2 hrs almost 3 I think. I will seriously feel that tomorrow! Two go abouts of carido, 28 mins on the ellyptical, about an hour of weights, then 45 minutes on the ellyptical again and I went the whole time!! My feet started to go numb at one point but the point is that I finished!! I know it will only get easier the more I do it. and I will build my cardiovascular up to where I wont want to die after I've finished working out for 2 hours. However yesterday I made a fool of my diet and myself by being way to excited about ther being a new Panda Express chinese food restaurant open in fairwood and went there for lunch. I even took a picture with the giant 25ft inflatable Panda outside the building. lol. But I think i redeemed it with the great workout last night. With the New Year approaching very much hoping to continue my determination to get healthy finally!

Here's to getting healthy and fixing cars!

Christmas Eve Eve

Merry Christmas Eve Eve friends!! =) I write that with all the joy and excitement I would have on this day, yet for whatever reason I am not as much in the holiday mood as I normally find myself. I can't reallly put my finger on it. I think it might have to do with the busyness of life this last week. Last week I was able to shop and get christmas gifts for my family but still have yet to wrap them up! I feel so behind! I really also wanted to get something small for each of my roomies this year, and even made somewhat of a big deal about it to them all, making sure I wouldn't insult any of them should I get them something. I had big plans to do this a few weeks ago and now its Christmas Eve Eve and I have failed in the gift giving area for my roomies I love so much. =( I hate when I build something up in this way and then end up not finishing what I had originally set out to do. Not a fun feeling in the slightest. I feel like a bad friend.

Gift giving aside, I do have good news: I worked out today!! I got to come into work late this morning, and by morning, I mean I came in at noon. I am in a classroom with the only kids we have at the preschool end, that being 10 and us closing at 4 which is marvelous I am pretty excited about my work day today. Before I worked out we had worship practice and I always love the days I have worship practice. I seriously wish it was everyday. I love getting to express my love and adoration for Christ through worship. And the fact that we are doing all Christmas songs on Christmas Sunday at 6:30pm at Doxa in honor of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus(pssst!! Come join us!!) I am a little extra excited and a little extra nervous. This is the first service where I will be leading almost the whole worship set!! Eeeekk! I kind of brought it on myself with the excitement and notion of singing Christmas songs in church, therefore I was bestowed the honor of leading most of them =) I am very honored to help serve my church in this way and do not take it lightly. I really want to do a good job! But unfortunately, what I thought I would sound like did not come out the way I was expecting to sound today. And the fact that I got really light headed from singing more than I do on a regular basis, I felt so out of it for the last song which also was tough on my mental ability to sing well. But I was encouraged by Jake(who told me whatever bad thing  I was hearing was most likely all in my girl head[Guilty] and to not worry) Ryan and Cor who said I sounded great. I am most definitely my harshest critic. Thankful and blessed that God has put encouraging people in my life=) But whatever the case, I pray my heart will be filled with joy and gladness in thanking God for sending his son to earth so that I might be with Him in Heaven one day. I will be worshipping with all I have and hope that God uses me in whatever way he sees fit for Sunday to bring Him more glory.

Here's to a great start to Christmas weekend!!

Twice Already

Hey kiddos. Worked out again this morning! That is twice this week and it is only wednesday! This is really good for a lady like me andI am pretty happy about that. Considering I have probably not mae the best food choices I have worked out which I hope will balance out. Don't know if any of you look at twice a week as a victory, but you should! I think that its wonderful =)

So I was thinking about my weekend and how great it was! We got to sing Christmas music for the first time in Doxa's history and I thought it was pretty wonderful, granted the rocky start we had with practicing a few brand new songs which we had never ever played before. New songs in themselves are scary when playing them the first time but Christmas songs are special(if you ask me I think so anyway). About a week ago some of my roomies and I had a conversation with a friend where he was asking some very very difficult questions about the Bible and Christianity. I know what I believe and I know what the Bible says about truth and the ways that God has revealed Himself to me. However, I am not the best at re-communicating said things in order for them to be easily understood and lovingly explained. Mostly I am a coward and just let someone else from my church community or Pastor(who has an insane gift in this area) handle those tough questions. I am far too fearful that when I try to communicate them it will come across terribly wrong, mean, righteous or unintelligable. But after a conversation with one of my roomies about my fears in this area, He told me that I at least have to try. He reminded me that there is no possible way to get better at it if I don't try to answer those questions that are hard to answer. By attempting to answer those tough questions to those asking I will learn what works, what doesn't and will hopefully be able to know what to say next time I am asked those questions in a more loving and better communicated way. Ouch. I suck. I don't even try!! I am so lame! How do I expect to help further the Gospel when I don't even attempt to answer questions when God gives me an opportunity to share truth?? It was a refreshing and painful thing to hear but it also revealed something else when I shared this situation at prayer yesterday morning. I don't really trust that God will be able to redeem what I have to say. I have to trust that what I put say to people God will use, grow and redeem for His Glory and however He sees fit to use my words. How little faith do I have? Smaller than a mustard seed for sure!

Here's to trusting that God redeems even the worst communication!

Some day I'll get up at 6 am

Worked out this morning ladies and gentleman! It felt good to start off my monday morning like that! Granted it was only a 1/2 hr on the ellyptical but I saw a poster on Pinterest today that said, "No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everyone on the couch" WOW! That is motivating! I mean seriously, just doing something is better than not doing anything at all. I also realized I have a little more than 6 months till "Maid Of Honor in June!" And for SURE less than that till I try on an actual dress considering I have already picked out and gotten the O.K. from the bride-to-be about which dress I will most likely be wearing. And you know, it is so much easier to take a dress in that to let one out. Bah, who wants to have to do that!? No one that's who! So I figure that since I now work at 10 again everymorning I have no real good reason to not be working out in the morning. Getting up at 7 should so not be a big deal. I can do this. It is the beginning of changing my life. If I go to bed now and get up at 7 I will be getting almost 8 hours of sleep!! WHich is almost twice as much as some of my roomies get, that being 4 hours of sleep a night. Which I have no idea how they survive day to day on that amount of sleep, I'd be a literal zombie and someone would probably try to shot me down with a crossbow of sorts. Hoping to tomorrow write out on a spreadsheet my weekly schedule so that I know when to make time for my working out, shopping and the like so that I have something to stick to. Also want to be able to fit more reading time in. I am far to wuickl to occupy my time with other permissable things. I'd really like my time to be used to the fullest most beneifical ways possible. Let's hope that writing everything down is a shocker as to how much free time I actually do have and am able to make that productive! Hopefully at some point tomorrow I am ale to workout. Perhaps after Community group but not likely we'll see. With prayer at 7:30am I will be lucky to get to that on time! I really hope that in the future I will gain the discipline to get up at 6am and go work out before prayer. Although my fellow prayer budies may not appreciate the stentch that permiates from me post long sweaty work out. But it's worth it ;)

Here's to getting an orginized schedule! 

Playing the fool

Yesterday was sort of a long day. I got the day off of work got ready, went to prayer at the church, had a practice for some christmas songs(which is coming together pretty well, Im pretty excited about it) and went to starbucks where I got a free drink because they're computers systems were being weird. So I had a great start to the day! I was feeling pretty goodfor the day considering where I was off to with my free triple grande peppermint white mocha. You see, I was off to the UW hospital for a while. My aunt Linda had surgery on her lungs for stage 4 cancer she has known about for since May. They didn't know exactly what they were going to face when they opened her up but she knew the severity that might take place whil he went into surgery. They had to remove her right lung and a small sliver of her heart because the part where her lung connected to her heart was also cancerous and at that point not too useful. Now she is in recovery and soon they will start radiation, probably chemo, and will most likely be in remission! God is SO good!! The craziest part of this story is that when my aunt first went to Group Health(which if you have them I am sorry, they are awful!) they told her she simply had pneumonia. Then when they found a huge tumor in her chest cavity that had spread to her lungs, pulminary artery and liver they said it was inoperable! Luckily, she got a second opinion and was able to have surgery that would extend her life. Its crazy to think she had lung cancer even though she never smoked. It just sucks when that happens to people in that way, you know? But the good news is that there is much hope.

Onto and entirely different part of my life...

So I haven't worked out since saturday and I am feeling pretty ridiculous I must say. I should have worked out this morning. I had no good reason not too. And the soft warmth of my bed, extra sleep and snooze button were not good excuses this morning. I didn't even stay up late! I got like 8 hours of sleep!! Now I have this heavy guilt on my conscience that is saying, "hard work is what gets you results!" Part of me can also hear my mom saying, "Its easy to be fat Tay, but its hard to be thin." Something that I was often told growing up in regards to my constant battle with my body. I feel like a true fatty today. But I am happy to say that today I chose to get a fairly healthy subway sandwich as opposed to the delicious Ezell's chicken and fries or even good ol Mickey D's. I try to stay away from those places as often as I can, and I do a pretty good job, but GOLLY they are so good sometimes!! Another cool thing that happend, which I think every lady out there can stack hands in a "woo hoo!" moment with me in. After I visited the hospital, my mom and I ran down to the H&M in the U District and my mom found this really cute sweater tunic and I tried on the biggest size they had, as usual, and it was ginormous! So my mom ever so nicely fetched me a  "S" and a "M"......which I am pretty sure I didn't even wear when I was little. You guys, the Small fit! "Holy CRAP!" These must have been made to wear incredibly big! However the arms on the small were to short and looked funny so I got a Medium. I don't know the last time I had a medium anything....besides maybe in french fry terms that is.... haha. But holy moly! I know I am lying to myself just a teensy bit by wearing it, but it somehow gives me the motivation to try harder and really be able to wear mediums in real life and not clothes that have more X's than a football playbook. Okay so I am exaggerating maybe a twinge on the X's thing, but I think you guys know what I mean.

Here's to turning fooling yourself into motivation!

New Directions

So its been a while loyal readers--Haha, thats funny since I really don't know if anyone reads this at all.

NO this is not a blog about Glee, in case you read the title and thought about the choir from Glee, sorry to disappoint. Although I loved the first season and do continue to listen to the music on iTunes from time to time, I am not currently watching the show.

Moving on....

I haven't really used my time to write on here like I wish I could. =( I hope to be better at it though. There is always room for improvement right? Truth be told, a few weeks ago I wrote a really great blog, I don't necessarily remember its every detail and content. Boo hoo I know. But I do remember that like a fool, I didn't post it right away leaving about 4 other windows open on my computer along with my unposted blog. In a rush to get to work I hit the "close all" button in immediate regretted it realizing I had not posted said blog. And of course the feeling of defeat and failure came and have completely neglected to attempt to post again since. Obviously it wasn't meant to be posted otherwise I would've have done so.

Anyway, I think I may have found an alternate slash main purpose for this here bloggity blog. Im actually more inspired. See, I found a really incredible blog about a young lady named Taralynn from Pinterest(an incredible, wonderful, life wasting, creative outlet of DIY crafts, projects, home decor and fashion that can only be truely experienced and not just explained). Her blog is more of her story and life after losing a bunch of weight, gaining more confidence and a whole new grasp on life. She posts great food and drink recipes, hints for curbing appetite and just her daily life as of now. This is wonderful and all but I feel like perhaps I would like to make this here blog one a little different. Not that I am really into the whole blog world but I don't really hear of too many blogs out there where the writer says, okay Im starting today with getting fit. I think the majority of them start after the really really tough parts--eating right and working out. Oh, the tempations that are out there to eat ice cream and sit on the couch as opposed to go to the gym and eat carrots. I know these temptations. I've lived them everyday. And at the end of the day when I can't resist its like a big grey heavy cloud hangs over me and I just want to listen to sad music because I feel like I have failed for that day. Aaaaand makes me want to more! Anyone else know this feeling? Just me? Cool. =)

But see, I also have a little added motivation to change. One of my best friends is getting married in June! Big congrats to her and her fella Josh, I am so excited for them! And on top of that, I was asked to be her Maid of Honor! I am beyond thrilled and honored to be asked to have this role in her life changing event. I hope that one of her big event will, God willing, lead to a life changing event of my own. So with that extra kick in the pants, I finally want to (more like need to) to get healthy after all my years of being the "bigger girl" and constantly being overweight and being okay with it. Because the truth is kiddos, I'm not okay. Yes, I know God made me in His image, and I by no means intentially mean to insult my Creator and Savior. But I know that this body is no temple. Well a temple to sitting on my butt eating chips and pizza, but that is not what God created and saved me for. So please save the, "You're great just the way God made you" stuff. Because every big girl, or former big girl, out there knows that most of the time we act like its nice to hear it coming from the skinny friends, but inside my brain I am rolling my eyes and knowing that they have no freaking clue what they and their high metabolisms are talking about. I mean that in the nicest way possible =)

With all of this mumbo jumbo talk you may be wondering, if you have stuck with me thus far, "Whats the point Tay?" And here it is: I want this to be a blog of new beginnings. Most likely centered around my journey and battle with weight. How I pray God will grant me the strength, perserverance and grace to allow this to happen and for me to finally weigh what my driver;s license says I weigh! (I even lied by about 10 lbs when I was 16 and first got my license! Shameful I know)

I know that his will only be able to happen if it is His will for me. So pray for me?! Pray that God would grant me the discipline to say no to bad foods and yes to fitness and working out, especially when I don't want to. And even more prayer that I don't get those yes's and no's mixed up! I hope that through this blog, I might inspire some other people out there to do the same. Its not an easy thing. I have made so many attempts and get down about 30 lbs and for some reason call it quits, then gain back 40! What is that about!? uggh. But one thing I have never really done is make it such a public affair. Perhaps this is the kind of accountability I need. One where I may see more defeats than victories on a public scale. But hey, thats what they do on the Biggest Loser right? It is on a national level of accountability! Yikes! Even though seceretly, or now not so secretly, I have always wanted to be on that show! I think I would lose some major butt! And by butt I mean weight, not the challenges because I would totally dominate those. Maybe I would gain a nice bootay though?

Here's to new beginnings and accountabiliy!!

Taming the Tongue

The tongue. Many view as just a small body part that is in our mouth, we use it to taste food or savor drink. For the french they use it for kissing…so I hear. Haha. But as little and insignificant as it may seem, it holds the power to do damage that sometimes may seem it cannot be undone. In the Bible, James refers to it as like a rudder on a massive ship, or like a spark that is able to cause a massive forest fire. Our words are a powerful thing, and we, my self VERY much included, are often too quick to just blurt whatever comes to our heads without giving much though to the aftermath that our words may cause. The Psalms say that our tongues are like swords aiming with bitter arrows, that it is as sharp as a serpent’s and that it plots destruction. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” What an overwhelming tool we are given to either speak life or bring despair to people.

Believe it or not, I have never had a problem with talking. Speaking in front of crowds, bring it on, I rarely suffer from stage fright, an audience is not necessarily something that causes me to get clammy hands or cottonmouth. My entire life I have always had something to say. Even at the age of 3 I was talking for my infant brother, which to this day, at 22, he stills blames as the reason that he was shy for almost of his childhood and adolescence. Only until about 5 years ago did I realize how much I used the power of the tongue and my speech to harm others. Always involuntarily, I never said anything that was made-up or a lie, at least I thought it wasn’t. I had talked to valid sources, the people themselves in fact! Therefore that gave me permission to tell others my friends and acquaintances these stories because they were valid and true right? Wrong. I was a gossip. Still am, it is something that is rooted very deeply within my heart and it wasn’t until recently that I have realized the great damage I had been doing to those I care about most out of my “innocent” need to tell stories that did not concern, nor really involve me in any way in the slightest. Oh the people I fear I have hurt over the years because of me knowing how to justify this sin and continue to do it without feeling guilt. I grew numb to my gossiping because I am not kidding you, I knew how to talk my way out and around my “storytelling.“ That’s what I liked to call it in order for me to keep at it without feeling bad.
Oh how I am thankful that Jesus revealed this to me through a person I would have least expected. During my internship as a 19 year old one of my closest friends at the time pretty much just called me straight out on my gossiping. And it was so amazing how Jesus used him to do it because I was not really offended with it coming from him, I was in disbelief, and honestly, almost thankful for his boldness in saying it to me. Granted the grapevine I used that evening was about 5 people long and was about a dude straightening his hair. Very harmless I thought. Stupid really. What was the point in me even asking? Dumb Tay, dumb. What a pointless story. What had I become? When did I become a gossip that was this bad? If I was going through the grapevine about a dude straightening his hair, what else had I been saying about friends? People I care about? People I love? How many people had I hurt unintentionally in this same way? It was such a humiliating and scary revelation moment as a somewhat independent, young adult trying to figure out how who I was and how I could serve in the church and honor Christ. And here I was flapping my gums non-stop.
I am so thankful to Christ for this revelation and revealing this sin and allowing pastors, leaders and friends into my life that were there for me. I am thankful for the community Christ led me to in Doxa where I can be honest with this sin, and mostly for the forgiveness I have received for this. Firstly and foremost, forgiveness from God who saved me and forgives me and grants me grace as I continue the fight against this sin. Secondly, for those I have apologized to and have granted me forgiveness for the ways I have broken trust and hurt them in ways which I had no conscience effort in doing. I am so grateful that they are loving and accept me in my weakness and sin. I don’t deserve their friendship, kindness or love, yet they continue to show me these things so gracefully.
I came across this song yesterday and the pain that I felt when I heard and read the lyrics was overwhelmingly depressing. I continue to pray that I will not have to cause another person to be in pain from my words that they feel like my trust, friendship or love is worth just simply walking away from. I pray that God would convict me when I do sin against Him or someone and that I would come humbly before them and seek forgiveness and reconciliation with those I have wronged. I know that there is only true forgiveness and reconciliation in Christ who died for my sins and I am so grateful to God for saving me.
Dave Barnes Lyrics
Sticks And Stones :
You would have kept those words on your tongue
If you had known the hurt they had done
While your fists stayed right
Right by your side
Your words, they bruise me deep inside
I'd rather have sticks and stones
And broken bones
Then the words you say to me
Cause I know bruises heal
And cuts will seal
But your words beat the life out of me
Sometimes your words are thick as lead
You swing them strong upside my head
What hasn't killed has made me strong
So I'll take my scars and move along
I'd rather have sticks and stones
And broken bones
Then the words you say to me
Cause I know bruises heal
And cuts will seal
But your words beat the life out of me
Goodbye is the best way that I know
To forgive and still be letting go
I'd rather have sticks and stones
And broken bones
Then the words you say to me
Cause I know bruises heal
And cuts will seal
But your words beat the life out of me

Here's to our words, and the sticks and stones we have all learned from

Intentional Living.

Today for whatever reason I feel like God is working in me to finally start living intentionally. This is either very sad, considering I'm now 24 and am just starting to figure this out; or great news for so many neglected and mistreated areas of my life. I want to begin to truly maintain the areas of my life that I have let sit there and be. Or responsibilites I have neglected that I finally want to take ownership of and get back on track. My finances. My weight and health. My passion for missions in the local area and my heart for Christ. I want to honor Him with all these areas more. I need to stop being so freaking LAZY!! I am far to quick to give into my laziness and then the day is gone and I feel so guilty for having done nothing productive. Now here me on this, I don't think those days are altogether bad or wrong, I just don't ever really have prodictive ones to balance them out!

I really hope that with this new spark or fire(or smoking flax if you have read The Bruised Reed) is finally, hopfully, maybe going to gain some momentum in my life. I owe this revelation to Christ of course. My goodness how He has revealed my laziness, my lack of ambition and my numbness to the urgency of furthering the Gospel. What a selfish fool I have been. I pray that God will continue to reveal these areas for growth in me. That He would continue to put that urgency in my whole being so that I long for the days when I had some free time. I pray that I put my free time to good use, whether that is balancing my checkbook, going shopping for healthy foods, going to a coffee shop to read my Bible and hopefully meeting someone new, working out or cleaning my room. Rather than just watch my busy and intentional room mates run around with purpose, ambition and on mission. I pray that He would bring people into my life to help hold me accountable and encourage me in these things. What kind of a life am I living if I am not intentional with how I spend my time? Thank you Father for opening my eyes to this. I am so grateful and I pray that I would lean on you when I don't feel like doing what I know I should. Give me the strangth to do your will.

Here's to Intentional Living. =)

To forgive is divine...

I don't even know what to say in those moments. What do you say other than thank you when a friend forgives you? One of the worst things in life is being given the revelation that you have betrayed and hurt them unknowingly. I hate when I do this. And don't we all? There is always that horrifying feeling in the pit of your stomach and your heart break just a little to realize that your own natural and sinful depravity took over and you unknowingly hurt someone you care about, only to find out weeks later that you ever did it! Especially when it is about breaking trust. Trust is such a vital part to any relationship and breaking that, for me, is two fold- both unacceptable and ineveitable. We are all prone to fail one another as humans in this area and I am so thankful for the forgiveness that we are given from God for it. For the repentence he allows us to ask for in order to get the farogivness. It is through the forgiveness of others that I am able to see that extension of grace from God in how Jesus came to die for my sins and I am reconciled to Him through Jesus and him taking on all my sin on the cross. What an incredible thing that kind of forgiveness is!! I am so thankful for my community of loving friends in their willingness to forgive me in the many many times I break and take advantage of their trust. I just hope that I am able to convey forgiveness to others as I am so undeserving of it myself.

Here's to forgiveness...

*Sing along if you know it!*
Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry...

To or From? It's a Fine Line.

Running. I am not a fan. In fact, I have a very love/hate relationship with running. I decided last week to be overly ambitious and go for a relatively short run/jog/walk down to the school near the house. Then I got really arrogant for not working out for 3 months and decided is was a good idea to stop at the park on the way home to do squats and lunges. I hope to as quickly as possible getrid of the mass amount of pounds around my waist but would very much like to get some junk in the trunk, since thanks to my mom's side, I am without any junk. With all that being said, I could barely stand to shave my legs in the shower after. I was so sore! Sometimes I love that feeling. Sure I complain every now and then because when its painful to sit down to pee, well now thats just annoyoing. but sometimes it is a good soreness and I think that this will lead to the results I am seeking. So here I am a week later, finally not waking up sore and decided to run again after I declined an invite from some roomies for a group run. This girl has a hard time keeping a steady pace alone, I would rather not embarrass myself and hold others back because of my horrible running skills. I probably look so ridiculous running. Red faced, looking like I'm probably going to pass out, breathing really heavily even though I am okay, Im just like 100lbs overweight so THIS is what running for this body type looks like. lol. But it's what works for me for now and I hope to see improvements in my running. Let's just hope I get the itch again that got me up last week. I have to want this for myself. I never regret it once it's over. Its always starting that is the hardest part. Sometimes I wish there was a pill for motivation. I mean I know there are drugs out there that are going to give me energy to run around, probably screaming and hallucinating, but I have far to much of an addictive personality to start on drugs. haha.

Sometimes I wonder why I run.... I mean okay, I wouldn't qualify myself as a real "runner" but still it IS something I think about. Sometimes I think I am running towards something. The new me, a new body, not only shed the LB's but run towards all the opportunities and things I could do with a new me. Other times, though I don't want to admit it, I feel like I am running away from life. The shame, hurt nd ewmbarraassment I have carried. The lonliness I have felt because I can so easily put it on how I look and say "that is why I don't have/didn't get __________" The repulsing disgust I feel and see when I look at myself in the mirror. Then I remember Christ and how he died for all those sinful things, those things I had no idea I was going to think or say or do!! How God's love is much more powerful than the negative thoughts, feelings or things I want to run from. I am reminded that I am beautiful. That because I am made in His image that I am made wonderfully. What an absolute joy that brings me! I am grateful that through these struggles, it is only a reminder of how thankful I am to God for saving me. That I need to continue run to Him when I feel all those awful things about myself. That through those bad feelings, I am only being called to draw more closely to Christ and that is an amazing thing! It is a true act of grace!

Here's to running, may Christ find you in whatever you are running from.

Congrats to Michael and Ashley Posey

Last night I was blessed to be able to be apart of a beautiful event, the marriage one of my roomies and friend Michael Posey to his now wife, the lovely Ashley(formerly) Hitchcock, now Posey! It was so lovely! The venue was beautiful, the flowers were gorgeous and Ashley was radiant! I got the pleasure to assist Morgan and Ashley's mom in coordinating the event. One of the most special moments for me was right before Ashley walked down the aisle, she was standing looking just as beautiful as she was nervous. It was so awesome to be able to see the bride right before she takes her last steps as a single lady, and walks towards her new husband with her daddy about to give her away. What a great moment!! I was filled with so much joy for her! I Hope they have so much fun in Hawaii on their honeymoon, because I mean how do you NOT have fun on your honeymoon? Food was great and the dancing was super fun! I love going to weddings with dancing! I think it is just one of the most fun things to do with a group because usually more than half the people around you you don't know, yet all are able to bond and be friends whilst getting one's grove on. Had a blast and my feet hurt, which is only a sign of a succesful night!

Here's to the Posey's!

Honesty Part 1

I love the conversations I find myself in with the people of Doxa. And more often the ones with my rommies. Every now and again a few, or all of us will get into some really amazing honest conversations and I often leave thinking all day about them. God is continuing to grow me to new depths as to what honesty really means. You know what I mean, it's those thoughts in your head, what you really think, but would never say out loud for fear of judgement, criticism or rejection? Well, those kind of words are the goal to get to in conversation. They are mostly phrased in loving, caring ways, but we are human, and I especially, happen to know how to word things in the worst way possible, then have to re-track what I mean to say so it doesn't come across as harsh, rude or completely insulting. With these conversation one learns that there is a huge difference between using words to hurt just to hurt and saying hard words to wound in a way that allows the Holy Spirit to grow us nearer to our Heavenly Father. It is painful. Being honest, it hurts sometimes. But it is in that pain that we grow. Whether its the revelation the Holy Spirit gives us about ourselves and our own wickedness and sin or the times we see friends and have to lovingly come alongside them and bring certain sins to light. Its an incredible comfort to have a community of people around who love each one another through struggles and sin. Who can come together and support and lift one another up when we feel most ugly and disgusted. I am in continued awe that God would lead me to such a wonderful place like Doxa.

Finally learning to be honest. I used to think I knew the meaning of the word honest, God has made lovingly it clear that I didn't have a clue =) I have no doubts that I will want to blog about this topic, honesty more and more as Christ continues to reveal more to me about what that means. It has been one of the many things that stands out in what Christ is doing in me for my sanctification. So for now, this can just be Part 1.

Here's to the beauty of honesty

Hiking Towards Fog

What a busy weekend! Saturday was so lovely. I went with one of my besties and hiker extraordinaire Haley Durrett for my first hike ever up Rattlesnake Ridge. I was very much loking forward to this day for a few reasons. One, I had never hiked before and I have known so many people over the years who have enjoyed being one with nature and among God's creation in that way and found it a great way to excersize and socialize at the same time. Two, I want a new hobby of sorts. Many people have told me the this particular trail is "easy" and "a great first hike." I wouldn't call it "easy." Granted it was no 20 mile hike in Leavenworth(where Haley's dad, Mike was that same day as he is a very experienced mountain man and has all the tools and gear necessary for those expert hikes) but for me it was a great challenge. When Haley came to pick me up she had a coffee for each of us(the great glass frapps you can get at grocery stores, which I love!) gatorade, water and power bars for when we got to the top. I was elated with her thought out planning and kindness in wanting to make it a great experience for me. What an incredible friend I've been blessed with! It took us an hour and a half to get up with one 5 minute break. I must say, I was so proud of myself for doing it. I haven't been to the gym in at least 2 months so I am definitely not in peak mountain climbing condition, so I was a bit worried I would be huffing and puffing and needing to take breaks the whole time. Granted I was huffing anf puffing at times but I kept telling myself, "just get to the top and the hard part will be over." I keeping thinking of the hilarious pun of "its all downhill from there" and for whatever reason thought that I was hilarious because I had never gotten to use said pun.
Our hike was rainy and grey as we looked beyond the trees but the whole time we were hoping that it would clear up by the time we got to the top. I was drenched in a mixture of sweat and rain and my sweatshirt was completely soaked from the mystery combination, which liquid element was more I couldn't say. Hiked all that way for a thick curatin of fog. Couldn't even see 10 ft off of the ledge of the top. For whatever reason, my only thought was, "oh well, now I get to hike it again." This didn't stop us from taking a few pictures to commemorate the success and my first hike. I feel like normally I might be discouraged by such a feat but I ended up having an incredible experience and look forward to it again soon. And I think I'll stick with Rattlesnake Ridge because I don't think I am ready to hike anything with the word "mountain" in it.

Here's to the mountains we all climb

Church Is No Longer In The Living Room

Yesterday was the first sunday in Doxa's new church building. What an incredible and surreal day that God made happen. It is so crazy to me to think that in the beginning of July we were still in the house throwing around several ideas as to how to get more into the community to connect with those that live in Renton. Now a month later we have our own building that Doxa can call home! God is so good! I can't even believe how quickly He wove all the details together to get us moved in so fast. And I have hopes that we will soon be filling up the place(with just our regular attenders we had the place comfortably filled) like for next week with our Grand Opening. I can't imagine how many people we will have to come and celebrate how God has used Doxa so far and how He will continue to use our church to share truth with the community of Renton. I can't wait to find out though!
Not only that we were given a building, but a church in Seattle donated much needed chairs What an incredible blessing.
Its going to be such a new routine for me to not just simply walk out of my room for worship practice on Sunday mornings, but I don't mind it in the least. The excitement of getting to go into the city and have church brings me so much joy that I can't be anything but grateful to God. I have been so blessed by God leading me to Doxa. I can't imagine what my life would be like without His guidance and provision in allowing me to be apart of a church with so much heart--for Christ and for people. I continue to pray that people would come through our doors and be wooed by Christ. That our affections for Him would be contagious and that we would continue to pursue his glory through this new chapter and growth of our sweet little church. http://www.doxacc.org/

Here's to new chapters.

The Gray Life... Part One

Oh Seattle. I really do love you and can't imagine living almost anywhere else. However, its on days like today, the 26th of July, I seem to be a bit frustrated by your weather. I don't expect rain and humidity this late into summer, but I have hopes that August will bring a nice heat considering we have perhaps had only 5(and that's being generous) days with which to call a "hot" day. Granted, most Seattlites would consider anything over 65 hot. Bust out the shorts and sandals everyone! Not. We all manage to stump the rest of the nation with our low level of acceptance of this nice weather. But it is just what we are accustomed to here. Let's be honest, we do get wet and grey weather 80% of the time and living here my entire life does give me great affection for the rain as I have grown used to it being "the norm." But there is nothing like those incredible unexpected days when the sky is cloudless and blue and you can see Mt. Rainier or the Olympic mountain range, depending on which direction you happen to be looking. It's like a whole new place entirely! It just feels like my vision has cleared up along with the weather. Colors are much more vibrant, air seems more refreshing, food and drink seem to taste better, all because of the grace that is a sunny day. No gray. I get a taste of one of those beautiful Northwest days(these being the reason why I find it hard to live anywhere else) and a certain feeling comes over that I am truly humbled by the God's intricate and perfect creation.
Sometimes I feel as though I do this with God. I get so stuck in the gray. I feel like for most of my life, I live in the gray. Luckily through sancitifacation, Christ is giving me new eyes to see the color in life and weening me out the "norm" or the gray that I have grown so accustomed to. I settle far too quickly for the things in my life that I want before trusting and appraoching God and seeking His will for my life. I am infinitely guilty of this. I want my own way, whether I am quick to admit it or not. I want my plans to work out as I feel they should and when I don't I get frustrated. I forget far too quickly that I am not called to live a life of control, but rather one of obedience. I remember reading "We are far too easily settled by playing with mud pies because we do not know of the joy of a holiday by the sea." We settle far too easily with the things in our life that we can control and think that those are the greatest things we wil have see/have/accomplish/need. We do not realize that through Christ's sacrifice and saving grace that there is more that God has for our lives. We tend to love playing with "mud pies" because we feel like we can control that much because it is what we know, when what God has for us is so much more that we can't even imagine the great things he has should we act in obedience, repent and trust in Him for guidance and direction in our lives.
A lifestyle so much easier said than done. To treasure Christ above all things is like a constant reset button for me. I find I go from one idol to the next and have to continually refocus my heart on Christ. I find that everytime I do, I have greater affection and love for Him and can sometimes see small glimpses of Him growing me. I value the harsh truths, even though in the moments I want to run and not face the realities of my sin, as I think we all want to do in one way or another. But oh, how I long for a holiday by the sea.

Here's to the re-set button.

How does one begin....

How does one start their first blog? Well I suppose I will start out by just be honest. I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea how to make this interesting, or how to gain followers. I don't even know what the main idea of this is. And I don't even know how many posts I might make before I even tell other people about this little blog I've been so inspired to write. Inspired or just following the crowd, like I have done for so much of my life. I love fads, and I tend to buy into things quite easily, sometimes to my own detrimate and sometimes to some sort of redeemable benefit. That is something I hope Christ will grow me in. I hate having to feel like I am not independent in my thoughts or in what I enjoy or like to do. I am so quick to coward and go with the crowd in that way. Its something I have only begun to recognize through the grace that is community. 
I honeslty was never good at writing. I still don't consider myself one either. I enjoy it I suppose, but I always had a hard time with essays and keeping a consistent flow with my writing. So for that I apologize in advance. :) I suppose I just hope to use this to share many stories, hopefully a lot of laughs along the way share and to the love of Jesus with people as well. I recognize the grace and salvation that has been given to me and how God has grown and shaped me throughout my life. Most specifically in the last 2 years, and even more specifically in the last 8 months. I am nothing but humbled at His choice in saving me, even though in my own sin, I do rebel and I am not always obedient as I would like to think I am, or try to be. That's all I seem to have for now.... writer's block? I have no idea, perhaps just my way of awkwardly typing and not knowing what else to say in order to break the ice on this blog?
If only there was truely a right way to really kick this blog off right

First blog, check.